Tonight is the last time I will think of you.
This is it.
The final piece that will complete the bitter treasures I’ve held inside me for too long…
I will start from the beginning,
That moment when I told you I adore you and you said I am beautiful.
Those blue-grey eyes stared at my face and I melted…
I didnt realise that time that being beautiful was not I wanted.
I do not want to be beautiful…
I want to be loved.
I want to be loved the way the earth nourishes a seed to grow into a tree,
The earth provides stability and gives home to the roots.
I want to be loved the way the water flows freely on a river,
It is never stagnant, always moving in an endless stream.
I want to be loved the way the fire keeps a place warm in the deepest winter,
A fire that melts the snow your boots collected after you’ve been out for a walk.
I want to be loved the way the air keeps me alive,
It is invisible but I feel its presence, never suffocating.
I do not want to be beautiful…
I want to be loved.
I am not a beautiful watch you wear on your wrist on special occasions that you seek attention,
A beautiful watch that you will store in a box, along with the many, inside your drawer after.
I am not a beautiful story that you will read to feed your imagination during those boring minutes when you are sitting on the train or waiting for another delayed flight,
A beautiful story that will end as soon as you shut the pages to do the things that has more meaning to you.
I am not a beautiful painting that you hang behind your office desk so that people will look at it when they sit in front of you,
A beautiful painting that goes unnoticed after you get used to its presence behind you.
I am not a smartphone with a beautiful case that you will pull out of your breast-pocket each time you feel the need to connect to your big world that has no room for me.
I am not a beautiful holiday that you book whenever you feel you need to enjoy yourself, relieve your stress and seek entertainment when you’re bored.
Tonight is the last time I will think of you.
This is it.
The final piece that will complete the bitter treasures I’ve held inside me for too long.
My love, let’s make an agreement.
You will forgive me and I will forgive you.
You will forgive me for loving you,
And I will forgive you for using me.
You will forgive me for my tears,
And I will forgive you for leaving me.
You will forgive me for wanting you,
And I will forgive you for not choosing me.
You will forgive me for holding on,
And I will forgive you for forgetting.
You will forgive me for fighting,
And I will forgive you for giving up.
My love, let’s make an agreement.
I will forgive you and you will forgive me.
I will forgive you for lying,
And you will forgive me for trusting.
I will forgive you for the promises broken,
And you will forgive me for believing.
I will forgive you for breaking me,
And you will forgive me for trying to complete you.
I will forgive you for walking away,
And you will forgive me for staying.
I will forgive you for choosing to be quiet,
And you will forgive me for begging.
I will start from the beginning, that moment when I told you I adore you and you said I am beautiful…
I will start from the beginning, that moment when I told you I adore you…
I will start from the beginning…
I will start…
I will.
Tonight is the last time I will think of you.
This is it.
The final piece that will complete the bitter treasures I’ve held inside me for too long…
Iniibig kita…
But
I am so empty.
By Love Alice
